Both my thumbs are flesh-colored, thank you very much.

This is what happens when I am put in charge of plants:

They've never been so droopy! Easily, the saddest-looking plants I've ever seen that weren't dead.

Sometimes, I can't handle life. It's too horrible.

Remember this statement from my last post: "But in an uncharacteristic show of optimism, I have faith the evening will get better"? It's amazing how wrong I can be. This is why I don't generally engage in optimism. It just never turns out well.

I volunteer on the Utah County Rape Crisis Team, and I was on call this weekend. What this meant was that if anybody reported a rape, I went to the hospital to explain things and sit with them while doctors, nurses, and cops dodge in and out. We also give them information about resources available to them--counseling groups and whatnot. It's a demanding job, but very rewarding. I love that I can be of some use to these people, that I can do something to ease such an awful situation even just a bit. We also answer crisis line calls, but that's not part of this story.

Saturday night, just after 9, I got paged. I was needed at the hospital. So I went, and I did my thing. (This visit was uncharacteristically short--I was back home by 9:30. Usually, they go for hours.) Anyway, for some reason, this call really got to me. I usually handle it pretty well. The worst I've done is that once, I just had a generally negative outlook on both life and people for a few days afterward. (How is this different than usual, you ask? Normally, my negative outlook is about life only, not people. I genuinely believe that most people are good people doing the best they can. But sometimes, when you see what they can do to each other...)

I'm not sure why this one bothered me so much. Maybe it was just the last straw--one too many lives torn up for me to handle. And they're just so young. I can't get over it. We don't deal with juveniles, but I think that even 20 is far too young to have to deal with something like this. (And that's probably the average age of the girls I've worked with.)

When Tianna and BJ got home, I was laying on the couch in the back living room, moping. (I actually think this might have been part of the problem. Usually, I get paged at 2 or 3 in the morning, so I go straight to bed when I come home. Being awake and forced to think about it may have been a major contributing factor. Also, the highly emotional past few weeks probably didn't help.) BJ, good man that he is, tried to help. But there was just nothing for it; I was too upset. Fortunately, Michael came over after a while, and he held me while I cried. And cried. And cried. Poor guy. But after that and talking for a bit, I felt much better. Thank goodness for friends who don't mind when you fall apart. Sometimes, there's just nothing else to do. And for somebody to be willing to hold the pieces together for you when you can't do it yourself is a real gift.

I feel like a zombie. But I don't blame myself for it.

The past several days have been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster for me. And today, I spent six hours shopping! (For those of you who don't know me at all, I hate shopping.) At least this wasn't for clothes for me--that is the absolute worst. That trip would have ended long before the six-hour mark--with suicide. But what can I say, I sacrifice for my friends. The things we do for the people we care about...

At the moment, however, I am sitting on the couch, doing my best to relax. I'm tired, and possibly a wee bit cranky. But in an uncharacteristic show of optimism, I have faith the evening will get better. Here's hoping!

Sometimes you're the windshield...

I smooshed a bug with my car yesterday. It appeared to be a violent death.

I'm sorry, Bug! It was an accident, I swear! Is it any better if I can totally sympathize?

Solitary Ramblings

This weekend, I am all alone. T went home to Idaho Friday afternoon, and won't return until Sunday night. And with Carli already gone, that leaves me...alone.

I went to work in Orem yesterday by myself. (Well, not completely by myself--the missionaries weren't far away, and Elder Hendrix kept popping in with problems. But I was in the cube by myself. (There's actually an uncanny amount of space in there when there's only one person.) And since I had to stay until eight (horrid, I know), I was definitely all alone by the end.)

And now it's Saturday morning, and I'm home all alone. Well, except for the kitties and my migraine. (I woke up this morning at 8:30 and decided to pull the cats up on the bed with me. It's funny to watch kittens who have poor balance anyway try to walk around on a mattress. After a while, I wanted to try to go back to sleep, so I put them all back down on the floor. But after just a few minutes, I felt Sonja jump back on. I rolled over, and she'd brought Drawly with her! She actually jumped up here while holding Drawly by the neck. Impressive. Not too much later, she also retrieved Sir Guy. Weird cat. I've no idea how she evaluates where the kittens should be at a given point in time, but if she does and they're not there, she will get them there. Funny mommy.)

I'm not sure how I'll spend the rest of the day, but if this migraine doesn't improve, I foresee me laying on the couch, watching an endless string of movies. Except for when I go to print up the programs for tomorrow's sacrament meeting--wretched callings that make me get dressed on a day like this. Bother.

Encountering yourself online is weird--but it can also be funny!

The last few days have brought webcomics that are just startlingly me. For the enjoyment of all, I've decided to show y'all a couple that are just so me that I've had them in my status for the last coupla days. So, here are Garfield Minus Garfield and Dinosaur Comics. Also, an xkcd that isn't as much me, but is definitely one of my favorites. Laugh heartily, my friends! (And for those of you who aren't familiar with these comics, make sure you hold your mouse over the Dino Comic and xkcd to see a hidden title.)

New Additions

We adopted kitties last night! Yes, I'm very excited about this. A friend of a friend found a mama and two babies in a box on the side of the road last week. Neither the friend nor the friend of the friend could keep them, so Tianna, Rachel, and I jumped on this opportunity. And they're all just too cute for anything!

Here's Sonja, the mama:
Isn't she just beautiful?

This is Withdrawly:

And here we have Sir Guy, named for the Robin Hood character:

He fits in the palm of my hand!


After we got them home last night, Sonja was kinda flipped out. New surroundings and all. But we let her wander around, which made her feel better. After a while, Drawly started meowing, and Sonja came, grabbed him by the neck, and started carrying him around. She didn't seem to know where the best place for him was, though, so she wandered for quite a while, Drawly dangling by his neck and just swinging around like it was totally normal and comfortable. I truly regret that I didn't get a picture of this.

At last, Sonja found the Perfect Safe Place for her baby: under my bed. It's a queen-size bed, and there are a couple of bins underneath it. This leaves a narrow corridor down the middle (going in from the side, not the foot), but a large area at the back, since the bins don't reach that far. After a while, Sonja went and got Sir Guy, as well. I don't think the kittens have left their haven since then, although Sonja has been out a few times to explore. You have to use a flashlight to even be able to see them back there, and they're completely out of reach. I think Sonja must have used these factors in her decision. But I watched them for a while this morning, and the kittens were exploring the area and playing with each other.