Update!

Apparently, this Anonymous Tree doesn't like to be called such. He sent out "help me" vibes to his previous owner, JP, who came to check on him. Actually, she thinks he's already happier than he was before! Go figure.

Also, she named him. He is now...wait for it...Beauregard. (And there was lengthy discussion as to his gender. Please note the lack of an "e" at the end of his name; this is because he is male.)