Both my thumbs are flesh-colored, thank you very much.

This is what happens when I am put in charge of plants:

They've never been so droopy! Easily, the saddest-looking plants I've ever seen that weren't dead.

Sometimes, I can't handle life. It's too horrible.

Remember this statement from my last post: "But in an uncharacteristic show of optimism, I have faith the evening will get better"? It's amazing how wrong I can be. This is why I don't generally engage in optimism. It just never turns out well.

I volunteer on the Utah County Rape Crisis Team, and I was on call this weekend. What this meant was that if anybody reported a rape, I went to the hospital to explain things and sit with them while doctors, nurses, and cops dodge in and out. We also give them information about resources available to them--counseling groups and whatnot. It's a demanding job, but very rewarding. I love that I can be of some use to these people, that I can do something to ease such an awful situation even just a bit. We also answer crisis line calls, but that's not part of this story.

Saturday night, just after 9, I got paged. I was needed at the hospital. So I went, and I did my thing. (This visit was uncharacteristically short--I was back home by 9:30. Usually, they go for hours.) Anyway, for some reason, this call really got to me. I usually handle it pretty well. The worst I've done is that once, I just had a generally negative outlook on both life and people for a few days afterward. (How is this different than usual, you ask? Normally, my negative outlook is about life only, not people. I genuinely believe that most people are good people doing the best they can. But sometimes, when you see what they can do to each other...)

I'm not sure why this one bothered me so much. Maybe it was just the last straw--one too many lives torn up for me to handle. And they're just so young. I can't get over it. We don't deal with juveniles, but I think that even 20 is far too young to have to deal with something like this. (And that's probably the average age of the girls I've worked with.)

When Tianna and BJ got home, I was laying on the couch in the back living room, moping. (I actually think this might have been part of the problem. Usually, I get paged at 2 or 3 in the morning, so I go straight to bed when I come home. Being awake and forced to think about it may have been a major contributing factor. Also, the highly emotional past few weeks probably didn't help.) BJ, good man that he is, tried to help. But there was just nothing for it; I was too upset. Fortunately, Michael came over after a while, and he held me while I cried. And cried. And cried. Poor guy. But after that and talking for a bit, I felt much better. Thank goodness for friends who don't mind when you fall apart. Sometimes, there's just nothing else to do. And for somebody to be willing to hold the pieces together for you when you can't do it yourself is a real gift.

I feel like a zombie. But I don't blame myself for it.

The past several days have been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster for me. And today, I spent six hours shopping! (For those of you who don't know me at all, I hate shopping.) At least this wasn't for clothes for me--that is the absolute worst. That trip would have ended long before the six-hour mark--with suicide. But what can I say, I sacrifice for my friends. The things we do for the people we care about...

At the moment, however, I am sitting on the couch, doing my best to relax. I'm tired, and possibly a wee bit cranky. But in an uncharacteristic show of optimism, I have faith the evening will get better. Here's hoping!

Sometimes you're the windshield...

I smooshed a bug with my car yesterday. It appeared to be a violent death.

I'm sorry, Bug! It was an accident, I swear! Is it any better if I can totally sympathize?

Solitary Ramblings

This weekend, I am all alone. T went home to Idaho Friday afternoon, and won't return until Sunday night. And with Carli already gone, that leaves me...alone.

I went to work in Orem yesterday by myself. (Well, not completely by myself--the missionaries weren't far away, and Elder Hendrix kept popping in with problems. But I was in the cube by myself. (There's actually an uncanny amount of space in there when there's only one person.) And since I had to stay until eight (horrid, I know), I was definitely all alone by the end.)

And now it's Saturday morning, and I'm home all alone. Well, except for the kitties and my migraine. (I woke up this morning at 8:30 and decided to pull the cats up on the bed with me. It's funny to watch kittens who have poor balance anyway try to walk around on a mattress. After a while, I wanted to try to go back to sleep, so I put them all back down on the floor. But after just a few minutes, I felt Sonja jump back on. I rolled over, and she'd brought Drawly with her! She actually jumped up here while holding Drawly by the neck. Impressive. Not too much later, she also retrieved Sir Guy. Weird cat. I've no idea how she evaluates where the kittens should be at a given point in time, but if she does and they're not there, she will get them there. Funny mommy.)

I'm not sure how I'll spend the rest of the day, but if this migraine doesn't improve, I foresee me laying on the couch, watching an endless string of movies. Except for when I go to print up the programs for tomorrow's sacrament meeting--wretched callings that make me get dressed on a day like this. Bother.

Encountering yourself online is weird--but it can also be funny!

The last few days have brought webcomics that are just startlingly me. For the enjoyment of all, I've decided to show y'all a couple that are just so me that I've had them in my status for the last coupla days. So, here are Garfield Minus Garfield and Dinosaur Comics. Also, an xkcd that isn't as much me, but is definitely one of my favorites. Laugh heartily, my friends! (And for those of you who aren't familiar with these comics, make sure you hold your mouse over the Dino Comic and xkcd to see a hidden title.)

New Additions

We adopted kitties last night! Yes, I'm very excited about this. A friend of a friend found a mama and two babies in a box on the side of the road last week. Neither the friend nor the friend of the friend could keep them, so Tianna, Rachel, and I jumped on this opportunity. And they're all just too cute for anything!

Here's Sonja, the mama:
Isn't she just beautiful?

This is Withdrawly:

And here we have Sir Guy, named for the Robin Hood character:

He fits in the palm of my hand!


After we got them home last night, Sonja was kinda flipped out. New surroundings and all. But we let her wander around, which made her feel better. After a while, Drawly started meowing, and Sonja came, grabbed him by the neck, and started carrying him around. She didn't seem to know where the best place for him was, though, so she wandered for quite a while, Drawly dangling by his neck and just swinging around like it was totally normal and comfortable. I truly regret that I didn't get a picture of this.

At last, Sonja found the Perfect Safe Place for her baby: under my bed. It's a queen-size bed, and there are a couple of bins underneath it. This leaves a narrow corridor down the middle (going in from the side, not the foot), but a large area at the back, since the bins don't reach that far. After a while, Sonja went and got Sir Guy, as well. I don't think the kittens have left their haven since then, although Sonja has been out a few times to explore. You have to use a flashlight to even be able to see them back there, and they're completely out of reach. I think Sonja must have used these factors in her decision. But I watched them for a while this morning, and the kittens were exploring the area and playing with each other.

Why is everything against me?

My keyboard and I are not getting along today. It keeps trying to sabotage me. First, the "c" key got stuck. (At least, that's what we thought, judging by the unending string of c's I couldn't stop. Seriously, looking at the chat, it's several inches long. Screens, even.) So I pried off the key, but that wasn't it. (However, when I put the c and x keys back on, I accidentally typed a "Ü"! No idea how, though.) So I disconnected the keyboard, which made it stop, and plugged it back in, which made it work again. About five minutes later, the keyboard just up and died. Couldn't type anything. So I had to, once again, crawl under the desk to fiddle with the plug. I got it working again, though, and it's been good for the last coupla hours. Hopefully, this continues.

In Memoriam

My dearest Carli is leaving me today. Well, not just me; she's leaving the entire country. This makes me all kinds of sad. She moved in with me a year ago, just as Tianna left for the Jerusalem Center. I'm usually pretty slow to warm up to people, but we got along famously from the very beginning. It's like this: Tianna and I are fast friends in spite of our differences; Carli and I are fast friends because of our similarities. I think this is how we got to be so close so fast. When it comes to pessimism and blasphemy, we are kindred spirits. (Also, she thinks I'm funny, the weirdo. That will generally endear people to me fairly quickly.) I know she's going to have an amazing time trotting around Europe, but I shall miss her dearly.

Even my blood is jumpy.

I awoke with a fairly nasty tension headache this morning. I fell back on a technique that is becoming increasingly common: take my morning dose of Excedrin and get back in bed, trusting in the caffeine to wake me up once it starts taking effect. It is a strange thing to be awakened by caffeine; the amount in my dose is equivalent to that in two cups of coffee, all in one shot. I lay in bed for a while, reflecting on the oddity of the sensation, as if I could feel the blood running through my veins. I am also curiously aware of my stomach, no doubt due to its emptiness when I took the meds. I'll have to put something else in it before too much longer, I suppose.

Master, the Tempest Is Raging

Master, the tempest is raging!
The billows are tossing high!
The sky is o'ershadowed with blackness.
No shelter or help is nigh.
Carest thou not that we perish?
How canst thou lie asleep
When each moment so madly is threat'ning
A grave in the angry deep?

The winds and the waves shall obey thy will:
Peace, be still, peace, be still.
Whether the wrath of the storm-tossed sea
Or demons or men or whatever it be,
No waters can swallow the ship where lies
The Master of ocean and earth and skies.
They all shall sweetly obey thy will:
Peace, be still; peace, be still.
They all shall sweetly obey thy will:
Peace, peace be still.

Master, with anguish of spirit
I bow in my grief today.
The depths of my sad heart are troubled.
Oh, waken and save, I pray.
Torrents of sin and of anguish
Sweep o'er my sinking soul,
And I perish! I perish! dear Master.
Oh, hasten and take control!

The winds and the waves shall obey thy will:
Peace, be still, peace, be still.
Whether the wrath of the storm-tossed sea
Or demons or men or whatever it be,
No waters can swallow the ship where lies
The Master of ocean and earth and skies.
They all shall sweetly obey thy will:
Peace, be still; peace, be still.
They all shall sweetly obey thy will:
Peace, peace be still.

Master, the terror is over.
The elements sweetly rest.
Earth's sun in the calm lake is mirrored,
And heaven's within my breast.
Linger, O blessed Redeemer!
Leave me alone no more,
And with joy I shall make the glad harbor
And rest on the blissful shore.

The winds and the waves shall obey thy will:
Peace, be still, peace, be still.
Whether the wrath of the storm-tossed sea
Or demons or men or whatever it be,
No waters can swallow the ship where lies
The Master of ocean and earth and skies.
They all shall sweetly obey thy will:
Peace, be still; peace, be still.
They all shall sweetly obey thy will:
Peace, peace be still.

Brain Overload

Today, I am doing many things at once. Like, archiving, loading, fixing errors...it's a lot to keep track of. And every time something goes amiss with any one of those things, I start to feel like my brains are swirling around inside my too-full skull. It's an odd sensation, let me tell you.

At least I haven't yet done what I did yesterday; I was thinking about the ride home...wondering if it would be long or short...where were we, anyway? Salt Lake or Orem? I relayed this train of thought to Tianna, and we both laughed about it...perhaps longer than was strictly necessary, since yesterday was full of problems and we both get giggly when that happens.

More Eyes

Tianna decided to get in on the fun. We had a grand ol' time making my eyes different colors. Did you know that by sliding a bar in Photoshop, you can magically change my eye color from red to yellow to green to turquoise to blue to purple to magenta? Also, we learned today that I need more sleep, as there is quite a bit of red in the "whites" of my eyes.

We think this one is closer to my actual eye color:

And for this one, I keel you!

And now, just for fun, I shall keel you in different colors: green...


...and purple!

My Eyes

I received this picture today. It's me! Ok, so my eyes aren't actually quite that exact color of blue. But they're my eyes. Intense, huh?

Sesame Street and How to Make Crayons

Yes, I looked this up today. And yes, it made me very happy.

Glorious Fluorescent Yellow Freedom!!!

Last night was a Monumental Night. It was the first time since January that my car spent the night parked on the street. Why is this monumental, you ask? In January, our neighborhood enacted a crazy parking law that says you can only park on the street if you have a permit. No biggie, right? I mean, each house is allowed two permits. But since our landlady is, as I affectionately call her, a dingbat, we didn't get permits. We didn't get them until this week! That means that for the last 3+ months, the three of us have been playing musical cars every night. (Since we all come home in a different order than we need to leave the next morning, and we all have to park in the driveway.) We've actually gotten quite good at it. It's just Something We Do. But no more! I parked on the street yesterday afternoon, didn't move my car at all last night, and didn't move it this morning, either! Glorious freedom! (Well, as much freedom as can be claimed with a yellow 6" x 4" monstrosity hanging from my rearview mirror.)

God does good work!

Ok, so I know I've gone kinda picture crazy lately. But I've just been so surrounded by beauty! And I've been advised that these pics should definitely be posted. So, if you don't want to see any more of the glory I've been reveling in, feel free to skip this.

T and I went out to walk around during our lunch break yesterday, and I took tons of pictures. I'll only post a few of them on here, but the decisions won't be easy.

First, I found another fountain!









Next, we just wandered around looking at all the gorgeous flowers.













































We had a lot of fun. I don't think I've ever enjoyed the spring flowers as much as I have this year.

Storms can be beautiful!

Have I mentioned that I like storms? 'Cuz I do. Rather a lot, actually. As it's been rather stormy here of late, I've gotten some good pictures of storm clouds:

My favorite is when the clouds come down over the mountains, like so:
Also, it snowed:
Ah, this all just makes me so happy!

Blah

Work today is filled with weirdness. I'm trying to reconcile some reports that don't match, which involves a lot of searching and a lot of detail-fixing. It's oogly.

Also, I have a migraine. This makes life not fun. Fortunately, I was permitted to come to Orem with Tianna instead of making the lengthy trek up to Salt Lake by myself. It's good to not drive when my head hurts. It's also good to get a large Frosty with my lunch. Ice cream makes me feel better. (Yes, it's weird. It's also true, and I'm not gonna argue with anything that makes me a bit more comfortable with a migraine.) Working with a migraine is not cool at all. In addition to just being painful, it screws up my finger coordination, so I get typos everywhere, and it's just harder to think. It especially makes it more difficult to deal with all the blasted wretched numbers. Bother it all.

More also, my back is killing me. I've had this knot under my left shoulder blade for a few weeks now, and it likes to spasm out and make sitting really uncomfortable. There's just no way to sit that isn't painful. Lately, it's been quite easy to find me, in my cubicle, contorted into various positions, trying to stretch it out. Tianna's been an angel about rubbing my back for me, but it keeps coming back. Meh.

All in all, today is not a happy day, and I'll be really glad to go home.

Unusual Occurrences

I had three singular experiences today (completely aside from Conference, which was, to say the least, amazing):

1. I got to pet horses! There was a colt, too, and he was adorable and so soft.
2. I got to play a player piano! Way fun, but it's a definite plus to have somebody standing behind you so that as you're pedaling, you don't push yourself off the bench. We played and sang along to fabulous songs from Phantom of the Opera, Fiddler on the Roof, Mary Poppins, and West Side Story, among others. Good times.
3. I got to lay on the floor underneath a baby grand piano that was being played masterfully. In my opinion, this is the ideal way to listen to the piano because the music just falls down and washes over you. I used to do this as a child, but then I could fit my whole body underneath. Now, my legs stuck out quite a ways, and my feet may or may not have gotten stepped on.
   

Welcome to our kitchen!

Tianna decided that her recently-purchased stock pot would be initiated today with the making of buttermilk syrup. This is an amazing recipe, and it's delicious, but when you cook it, it foams up to extraordinary proportions. But she was using a stock pot, so it'd be alright, right? Wrong. It boiled up over the edges, getting all over the stove--and starting a fire. I maintain that this makes the initiation complete: boiling over and fire are both common occurrences in our kitchen, and the stock pot is now truly part of our cookware.

I am lucky enough to pass several fountains on my way to work every day. If, like happened today, I am forced to park at the far end of the parking garage, I pass even more running water than usual. Here's what I passed today:

The fountain in front of the Salt Palace

A fountain near the Conference Center

The Conference Center waterfall

The creek that runs down West Temple

A fountain outside the COB

A fountain on t'other side of the COB

This all makes me very happy.

Emergency, eh? Too bad!

I cut my knuckle open today at work. I had passed a large Emergency First Aid Kit several times, so I headed that way in search of a bandaid. Fortunately, I passed my supervisor on the way, and showed her my wound. I asked her if the first aid kit was actually where I thought it was, which she confirmed. "But we're not allowed to use it." What?! "Go see if the secretary has a bandaid." As I walked by the first aid kit, I saw that she was right: the kit was fastened shut with one of those heavy-duty plastic ties. What's up with that? If I've managed to give myself a serious injury that qualified as an "Emergency," would I be able to get it open? I'd collapse from blood loss before I managed to cut that thing open. I mean, really.

More Rainbows!

Have I mentioned that I love rainbows? 'Cuz I do. This is why the prism thingummy hanging from my rearview mirror makes me so happy. Just look at what it does to my car!

Even my shoes have my personality!

So, T finally got around to washing our shoes, which have been sitting on the kitchen floor, covered in color, ever since the Festival of Colors on Saturday. She informed me, via chat, what happened:

Tianna: our shoes just kicked open the dryer

Jessica: lol

they're alive!

and it's hot in there

Tianna: and it surprises no one to find that it was your shoe that did the kicking and flew out of the door

Then she sent me a picture of my shoe's bid for freedom:Really, it isn't all that surprising. Is that sad?

It really is Spring!

Check out all the flowers! (One of the few reasons I forgive Spring for existing.)

Trippy

This is the inside of the elevator doors in the COB:

Makes me dizzy every time I look too closely.

Warning Labels = Funny Stuff

Warning labels can be very amusing, I've decided. Take this one, for example:

Is the iron really only a danger to your eyes? How often do people actually burn their eyes with a flat iron? I think it'd actually be pretty tough to manage, myself.

Foolishness

I need to stop buying hot chocolate. It results in severe scalding every single time. Perhaps if I were more patient...